Summer

If you had asked me before graduating what my plans were for my first summer vacation as a teacher, they would have been to drive. Just drive. No hesitation. I wanted to get in my car. Get on an interstate highway and just drive for hours on end. Sleep in the car, and just go.

A friend of mine did this a few years ago, driving all over the U.S. and Canada. She inspired me to just go. Having that many hours in the car makes you think. It makes you reflect. It makes you learn yourself. She inspired me to just go.

This has been a dream of mine for a few years, as it is now 9 months after graduation. I didn't think that it would be possible, because of finances mostly.

Going through a private, Christian college put a bit of debt on my shoulders. It is stressful, but it is what it is. It is being handled and that is what matters. I have made a budget and definitely live within my means.

In the back of my head I have continued thinking about my summer plans. What I could do to stretch myself. What could I do that would give me time to think? Time to move? Time to explore? Time to just be?

Taking the time to just be, to better understand my humanity. Who I am as a person. What I can do. What I can accomplish. What I can learn about myself.

This all may come across as selfish, and I can see that because I keep talking about me. But...I definitely justify myself in that, because when in my life am I going to have the opportunity to be selfish? I don't have a family to support. I don't have anyone depending on me. My living expenses are taken care of. My love for my family is not diminished or changed by the amount of time I am spending with them.

I have spent every summer since I turned 14 working. That is 8 summers. That is 8 summers of books left unread. That is 8 summers of trails un-hiked. That is 8 summers of time spent with family and friends. That is 8 summers spent making what? Money I no longer have. Yes, that money did help at the time, and did pay a bit of college. But what could I have gained in those summers. Especially the past few summers when I was attending college. Could I have traveled more? Could I have seen and met more people? Could I have learned more about myself? Could I have...? The list goes on and on.

Now is when I say that that list ends. I do not want to ask those questions anymore. I do not want to ask those questions for the rest of my life. I want to explore. Places and myself. I want to ask hard questions of myself.

I put this video in here, because in one of my favorite movies Safe Haven, this song comes on when the main character is riding a bus and it is taking her through the most beautiful green hills. The line says "if you could go anywhere, anywhere, what would you see?" The rest of the song is gorgeous. But I love this line, because of its truth. What would you see if you could go anywhere? I want to find that answer.

No matter what I do this summer, I know that I will find many things.

Keep leaping,
Megan