First Year Teacher Problems???

Have you ever felt like the shittiest teacher? Have you ever felt like your methods just aren't good enough? Have you ever felt like crying in front of your students because your momentum was destroyed? Have you ever felt like there will never be a day where you are prepared? Have you ever felt like a mean teacher because you think you only yell at your kids?

You haven't? Oh, well, umm...first year teacher problems? But I thought everyone felt shitty at some point. Maybe that's just me.

But all of that up there, yep, those were definitely thoughts that went through my head on a never ending reel throughout my entire afternoon.

Would my kids ever pay attention? Would my attention grabbers work? Would I have enough material? Do children actually like listening to stories? Do I honestly have to talk at a decibel equal to that of a bomb? What do children honestly need to TALK about?? Because they talk ALL the time.

Needless to say it was a frustrating afternoon. I was done.

I walked into school this morning feeling so refreshed by the weekend. I was ready to take on the new week, and ready to make sure that my students are learning. As it is the week before break, I didn't mention that next week is vacation to my students. I need them in some shape to learn. I had WONDERFUL centers planned, ones that would keep them engaged. I had even prepared them on Friday of last week, and made materials over the weekend.

I was going to be prepared, I was sure of it.

The morning went pretty well. My school is also doing a computer assessment right now, which generally throws the students off, but not today! They went through all of the morning routine without giving me any trouble. I only needed to press my attention bell 4 times before they were quiet. They were doing a phenomenal job!

AND THEN, I had to step out of the room for a meeting. BUT the mom was a no-show, no-call.

Now let me explain something. I only like meetings because it gives me the chance to be in a quieter space. But all of the work that has to go in, as well as the stress of not knowing exactly what is going on in your room at every second, usually isn't worth it. I like knowing things. My aide is wonderful, and handles situations with such care and ease, but I'm too nosy of a person to not want to know every little thing that happens.

So having this meeting, especially in the middle of the day was an inconvenience to me. On top of all of that it was an emergency meeting. For a mother to not even show up or call just seemed downright rude.

Upstairs I trotted. Returning to my room I was able to teach things that I didn't think I would be able to work on with them, as well as finish up assessments, and start others. Productivity to the max!

Half an hour later, the mother shows up, with her child, expecting to have the meeting. Ummm....Hold the phones. Yes, you did read that correctly. She expected to have the meeting a half an hour late, with no notice. Let me answer that. NO. Just. No.

Already being annoyed with having the meeting cancelled, and then having to explain to a mother that it needs to be rescheduled, was just frustrating. I felt defeated. I want to be able to sit down with this mother and understand her child better. Teachers are on your team parents!! At least this one, PLEASE WORK WITH ME!!!

And that was the moment in my day that turned it from FANTASTIC, to not so fantastic. I felt like I was constantly having to redirect students, and with being put in a not-so-happy mood, I felt like an awful teacher. I felt mean. I felt ill prepared. I felt like I wasn't at my best.

I drudged through my afternoon, and when it came time for exploring labs, a.k.a. play time, I was reminded of why I do go in every day with a better attitude.

A student walked up to me, without saying a word, held out her arms, and expressed that she wanted a hug. I hugged her, and when she let go she said, "Miss Grant, you're the best teacher." Well my darling, even in the darkest circumstances, you are the reason I keep going for the light.

Keep leaping,

M