Tuesday, February 3, 2015

So...why?

For months now I have been contemplating writing on the blog again. I took a bunch of time off this summer because I was traveling back and forth to Maine. Then with a friends wedding getting my undivided attention and the start of the school year, I just decided to stop for awhile. It wasn't on my radar. I didn't want to take the time to process or write anything down.

Then....the questioning came. My life had become this personal thing...funny idea, that one, life being personal. I was thinking about taking some time away from facebook and all social media. I was getting confused and frustrated by the idea that I knew people, or people knew me by the things they saw or the things they read online. I really struggled with the idea that this blog or facebook could become a substitute for grabbing coffee or hanging out. I want and strive for real connection. I think we all do.

I honestly don't know the people who read my blog, I see a number tick by as people come and look at it. But that is all. I know of some people who tell me that they read it, or they like the status, but then there are other people that I just don't know. That is the part that makes me sad. I want to know you. I want to reconnect to that time where we did have conversations, where a screen did not complete the relationship.

Then I struggle again. All of this may sound super harsh, but I've never really been one to beat around the bush and not be blunt, so here goes. I struggle with the fact that sometimes, people are meant to leave your life, and that is okay.

I know I moved to Massachusetts, meaning I allowed many relationships to fall to the wayside. There is no blame to be passed because it happens. People change your life for small periods of time, or they continue to change parts of your life as long as they are a part of it. But that doesn't mean that every person you have ever had a conversation with needs to be part of your life forever. And that my friends, sucks.

I miss many friendships I had in high school. I miss many friendships I had in college. They all shaped me into this person I am today. I am extremely grateful for all of those quick interactions in class, and the few months of friendship, and the friendships that turned into much longer friendships. I am grateful for all of them. That's when I come back to this idea that writing this blog, if you are interested in reading it, allows us to hold onto some sort of relationship, and that is a great thing. Because you were all important to me at some point in my life. Chances are I remember how important and the silly details of interactions.

But I don't want this screen to get in the way of actually talking. I don't want it to be a substitute.

I do want conversations.
I do want to grab coffee.
I do want to be honest.
I do want to talk about the hard stuff, the funny stuff, the easy stuff, the everything stuff. Because my life has all of that, and it is beautiful. And I like sharing it.

I want to share the beauty of it. The beauty of the messiness of it all.

Okay. Enough rambling. I can't promise writing all of the time. Because, ya know. Life kind of happens. But, again, I will try. Because I know that I want to have and keep these memories.

And for a picture. Here is what I have been looking at for the past 8 days....that's also 6 snow days in a row. For anyone who was counting. :)