One of THOSE posts....

So you may or may not have noticed that I haven't been posting recently and there is certainly a cause to such things that will be explained in due time.

For those of you who have been reading for some time, you know that I like posting the lighthearted stuff. I like being funny, and witty, and for those of you who know my humor it comes across very well.

This post will not be of that sort.

Last week I entered one of the worst weeks of my entire life. Probably the worst since any time during my parents divorce, and that was the hardest thing to date.

I know people say that the first year of teaching is the hardest, but God definitely tested how much I could handle. With the behavioral problems happening in my classroom, my frustration levels continued to grow. Between chairs being thrown around, children biting and being bitten, crayons and pencils thrown, screaming at the highest of decibels, my mind was not handling much more. Teaching became a dreaded task because I was waiting for the next outburst. For a first year teacher who has always relied on keeping students entertained with off the cuff activities, my mind was getting back logged. By Wednesday I was more fragile than fine china, causing a breakdown that probably scared my roommates as they had never experienced such emotion emitting from me.

 Feeling like a failure was at the top of my feelings list. I felt like I had failed my education. I felt like I had failed my professors. I felt like I had failed my colleagues. I felt like I had failed my students. Worst of all, I felt like I had failed myself and all of my dreams.

This was the fourth week of school and only the second full week. Not the best way to start the year.

I know I picked wonderful people to live with, and surround myself with, so that in a time of ultimate weakness I had people to support me and uplift me. I was able to spend the weekend with a dear friend who helped me to realize that I am not a failure, and that I am prepared. Her mom, a principal herself, listened to all of my woes, was flabbergasted at some of my stories and supported me non-stop. For their support I will be eternally grateful. As my weekend was filled with endless anxiety about returning to school, they never faltered in their belief in me and my abilities.

Through all of my anxiety and restlessness, I continued to pray and put my belief in God's promise to never give more than can be handled. Monday started off decently well, a few interruptions as per usual. I mean sitting on the floor with a child screaming "I want to hit ****!!!" over and over, and having him curl into the fetal position on your lap as you soothe him is a typical interruption right??? (Disclaimer: for those of you out there who wouldn't tolerate this behavior, please know that the way I handled the situation was what was needed to be done for that child, and is not done for all children, as they don't require such behavior from me.)

 Then 10:00 happened and I had to press the "911" button to page the office and have the counselor attend to the screaming child from earlier in the morning. By that afternoon the child was moved to another classroom. It broke my heart to hear him cry about leaving my room, but the new environment was going to be a much better fit for him.

That left two behavior cases in my room and two adults. Manageable. Throughout the afternoon the silences that ensued were magical. I felt a peace about the classroom. I was even able to breathe, AND think. As heartbroken as I felt by this move, I knew it was the right thing, and I allowed myself the chance to revel in this new change.

The wave of peace that I felt, could only have come from God as He took some of the load off my shoulders. So many times I don't think of how much He has taken from me, but then on days when my load has truly felt lightened I am able to see all of the things that I am blessed with. My, oh my, the wonderful things that I have been blessed with far outweigh the struggles that I may feel.

Thank you for reading through this post, as well as being patient with me through my short break from blogging.
M

Woes.

First year teacher problems...

I was always told that the first year of teaching would be overwhelming, but by going through Gordon I would at least have a general idea of what was going on.

Completing the first full week I truly understand the feeling of being overwhelmed. Does everything that I am going through seem like material I covered at some point? Yes. But that doesn't exactly help when in the situation...

With having my air conditioner taken out in the middle of one of the hottest days, a student not speaking English, and the other 24 complaining that they were hot, it began to take it's toll on me.

Now, I'm not saying I can't handle stress, but when two different children have full on tantrums including but not limited to them throwing themselves around, throwing light objects, and heavy objects such as chairs, it becomes a bit frustrating. Two days in a row of such behavior and all of my teaching responsibilities on top of it, makes for a very long week.

Praying for Friday was at the top of my to do list for the past few days, because it was the only relief I could look forward to. The weekend could not have come faster.

These types of days are the ones that make you wonder about your life choices. I do know that I have been trained well, and that I have the heart of a wonderful teacher, but the stress begins to amount to such a level that everything that could possibly be considered logic is gone. Feeling like a terrible teacher, and a failure in the 3rd week isn't the job description that I signed up for. I just wonder what it would have been like to teach in a different school system? What it would be like to teach at a school that actually has a set curriculum? What it would be like to teach students with different demographics?

So many questions and not enough time to ponder...But I think that is a good thing because I having a reminder that these students are precious, and I am lucky to be in their lives.

This gem of a picture tends to help on the rough days with the rough students:

                                  

Pray for my sanity,
M

Growing up sucks...

So this one time at school, I had to grow up. I had to learn about workman's comp.

I was dealing with a student who was not exactly having it with the directions of the classroom. While everyone was cleaning up the literacy centers he happened to be mopping my floors with his back. While doing such a thing he started screaming at an ear piercing level, and moved himself into a corner. With as much patience as I could muster, which we all know isn't a lot, I had him in an almost vertical position. As I supported most of his weight, he decided to pick up a rather heavy, metal chair, and drop it. Making it, of course, land on my open toe.

It hurt.

A lot.

Throughout the day it started to hurt even worse. It didn't look bad all day, or after school. But now, nine hours later, it looks like I took purple marker to it....

I had to learn about workman's comp, and the reporting within 24 hours, and going to the doctors. I opted out. It's a bruise. But the whole process is kind of scary.... Can't I go back to being a student where I know what is expected? 

Now I shall leave you with a much better picture of my niece: 

Isn't she cute??? 

Off to bed,

M

Oh Luke Bryan Shook It

So Saturday night included this view.

But not without a few ups and downs throughout the day.

While hiking the top of Cadillac, via the road, I was trying to track down the concert tickets I bought over a month before. I called the venue, the ticket distributing agency, the box office, the sponsoring company, and after numerous messages left, no one could help me.

So, feeling defeated, somehow the idea was thrown around that we google the company in which I bought the tickets from. So we did that, and we were connected with a wonderful woman who called around, left messages on people's phones, and within 30 minutes another woman called me. She emailed me the tickets, apologize profusely, and worked everything out for us.

5 Hours of phone calls later we were on our way to Luke Bryan!

Such a fun experience with such good friends! I mean who can take such great pictures, other than a best friend?

LOVE HER!!!

Such a wonderful time at home. Great friends, great family and beautiful sights could not have made for a better weekend. These are the times that I wish I could bottle up and keep forever and take them out and go through them again whenever I want. But it is pictures like these that can remind me. :)

M

Friends of Acadia, I mean, in Acadia

Whoa. I'm terrible. I was doing such a great job at keeping up with everything that was going on.

And then I went home.

I left last Friday, just after I posted the last blog. Luckily I was able to take two of my beautiful friends home with me. This was a huge step, because no one from Mass has ever been home with me. These two beauties decided to take on the challenge which is Maine, and I couldn't be happier that they came!!! It was amazing to have best friends from Gordon meeting best friends from home. As this was the first time that the worlds were converging I was a bit nervous, but clearly I have picked such wonderful friends because everyone loved each other. It was wonderful.

We were able to see parts of Acadia in an hour! Thank you Cadillac Road! They loved it!! We were able to take in the sights in such a fast time, and didn't have to deal with all of the tourists in Bar Harbor. Best of both worlds!! :)

Here are some of the pictures we took while on the mountain.

Then we took some more pictures including ourselves:

and then there was that one time that Robyn touched our butts....

One with all 5 of us, because Natalie also joined in on girls day! 

After an hour in the park we headed home to get ready for the Luke Bryan concert! Mind you that will have to wait for another blog post coming tomorrow! :) 

M

Rooftops

I want to shout it from the rooftops!

The soldier and I have made it official. Official official. It's on facebook. That's just how official it is.

The basics:

Age: 24
Occupation: Student, other than a soldier. :)
Eyes: blue
Good guy? Yes. Definitely.

Now some back story.

We have been out a few times, some dinners, a movie, meeting family, and drinks brought us to our 5th date which was a Red Sox Game. He got the tickets for his birthday a few months ago, and decided to bring me! We were able to take our first official picture, because who can actually go to a Red Sox Game and not take a picture???

Isn't he precious??? Yea, I think so too! :) 

We went to dinner before the game. Through a conversation about the pizza I ordered being bigger than we both thought, I said "Well any pizza can be a personal pizza if you just try hard enough." Needless to say I found myself with a double-dog dare to finish the pizza. We were late to the game, BUT I finished my pizza! He was impressed, I was stuffed, all was right with the world. :) 

We took a few more pictures that night, one that for many of you who know me, will perfectly describe our relationship. Mind you it also comes with a story. We took the train in, as finding parking would have been horrendous. There were a few different stops where we needed to switch trains. I have navigated the T successfully a few times, but being from Boston I thought he might do better. Well he didn't, we got on a train going in the proper direction. But it was the only train NOT going to the stop we needed. Through multiple jokes about my lack of navigational skills, I was associated to being a dictator. This was the face that I gave him when the jokes were remembered at the game:

Poor thing puts up with this face, he must be a keeper! :) 

Of course the obligatory pictures were taken with the field, but terrible lighting. 

And apparently our photographer didn't want to put any significant portion of the diamond in the picture....maybe we will stick to shameless selfies. ;) 

Now I will go back to the rooftop and continue to shout for joy!

M

Becoming Miss Grant

For the past few years I have been going into classrooms to practice different theories and philosophies of teaching, a way of getting more and more knowledge. I was always called Miss Grant in these classrooms, and found it a little odd, awkward, plain weird, but a tad bit endearing.

Who knew that being called "Teacher" 50 times in a day could make one want the odd-awkward-weird name back? I certainly didn't!!!

I found myself stressing this morning trying to finish all of the tedious projects that I needed to get done, like name cards, assigning seats for those who didn't show up for screening, and coloring things. When I was told that the students were about to arrive, stress came like a tsunami. Would my kids like me? Would they listen? Would they walk in a line? How was I going to get them from point A to point B?

I "calmly" walked outside, greeted the students, not remembering a single name. We said the pledge, and the other children began walking into the school. My class is the last in the line, making us the last to walk through the school. Walking in a straight line? Psh. I was lucky if 3 of them were in a proper line. We all got into the classroom and began the day.

Four bathroom and drink trips completed, three fire drills practiced, two books read, and one crying child later.....I was done. Parents picked the children up, I breathed, and found out. I'm still alive!

After walking back into the classroom without the children, I realized again that this is exactly where I need to be. I do love the children, I love working for them and with them. I love seeing them interact with me and with others in the classroom. I love seeing students begin to understand a new concept. I love watching students behave properly and rewarding them as such! This time is such a wonderful thing to be a witness to, and I couldn't imagine being elsewhere.

Off to go lesson plan! (With a bit of complaining mixed in, I mean who REALLY likes to write lesson plans?)
M