big Big BIG leaps!

I haven't told many people about this, as I'm not sure what is going to happen, and I don't want to get people's hopes up. But....

I MAY be  moving back to Maine.

I miss my family.
I miss my friends.
I miss trees.
I miss the roads.
I miss people who think similarly to me.
I miss good trucks. NO dodges....yuck.
I miss the summer.
I miss Acadia.
I miss Bar Harbor.

I miss home.

There is a lot of things that I will miss about living in Mass, but being home is worth all of that.

I have already started the process of getting my Maine teaching certification, all I need is to receive a passing score on a test that I took a few weeks ago. After that, I need to be interviewed and hired for a job. I can only move home if I have the job.

There are many things that need to happen for me to move home, but I am praying, hoping, and wishing for those things to happen.

I would very much appreciate all of your prayers in this time of transition!!!

Keep leaping,
M

Dating Diaries

I know I know....it's been FAR too long. But there is a reason.

I've been trying to keep my personal life off of the blog, which left teaching stories. By the end of the day I choose to forget half of them in trying to remain sane, so they don't make it long enough to be written out.

So, here we are, back to personal life. I have kept it off of the internet out of respect for those who were involved in my life. But that mutual respect wasn't really shown to me over time....so I might as well share the hilarity that ensued.

Have you ever heard the saying "Behind every bitch is the asshole who made her that way." Oh...excuse the swearing, it is relevant I PROMISE!!

So the assholes. I still do have respect for them. So I will switch their names. I talked with my mom, and told her I would rename them to the men who have always been there for me.

1. Jack Daniel's
2. Jim Beam
3. Johnnie Walker
4. Captain Morgan
5. Dr. McGillicuddy
6. Jose Cuervo

Side note: I feel like I should be taking shots of each of these men as I tell you these stories, but nevertheless, my liquor cabinet is a bit empty after this school year.

Let's start with Jack Daniels. We went out on a date. It was good. Good catching up with an old friend, great food, and a very comfortable night. But I didn't want to hang out the next night, because I had had an AWFUL day at school. So rather than keep conversing with me, a week later, A WEEK LATER, 7 DAYS LATER, I received this text: "Sorry I have not forgot about you. I have been really busy." Ummm......busy for the 24 hours of the past 7 days. I don't think so. When I received a "Happy Birthday" text from Jack, I was grateful, but I responded with being equally busy.

Jim Beam and Johnnie Walker decided to double up with the SAME issue. Ummm....I don't know about you, but when I have only been talking to someone for a few days, I DON'T want to talk about my showering habits, and the likelihood that you can JOIN me!!!! I think it is unbelievably rude, and frankly waaaaayyyyy toooo forward for me to have any respect for you!

Captain Morgan was a true gem. (please re-read that sentence with EXTREME sarcasm), okay thanks! So I needed to get out after I took a huge test (that is another blog post), and I called up a guy who had asked to take me out to dinner earlier that week. He wanted to meet up, so I drove down to Boston. Mind you, I drove 30 miles, while he walked a block. We had a very nice dinner and drinks. He invited me back to his apartment for a glass of wine. Now I hear all of you gasping, "Oh no! Why would she go back to a guy's apartment?" I get it, I get it. I PROMISE! I had my reasons, being that we had talked quite a bit over the previous week. I knew I was breaking a rule I had previously set for myself, but I was conscious of the decision.

So....we go back to his apartment, and as soon as the door closed behind me, I find his mouth on my face. It wasn't that he was a bad kisser, but I wasn't expecting it. But I moved on, and we kept kissing. All of a sudden I found his hands roaming.....NOT ALLOWED!!!! I pulled back and told him so. I shit you not this was his response "But I took you out to dinner and drinks, don't I deserve it?" UMMMMMM..........NO! No you don't!! You don't deserve anything! You made a choice to take me out, I'm making a choice to not sleep with you!

So he calmed down, and I was about to leave when he picked me up. As I set myself back down he said "I should get bonus gentleman points for not taking you to my bed and doing what I want with you!" ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......NO! Strike 2! No! You don't get bonus points for NOT raping me! You don't get bonus points for NOT committing a crime.

Strike 3 for the Captain, was as I was leaving I said he could get the bonus points for walking me to my car which was at least 5 blocks away, in the middle of Boston, and it was 10 p.m. and he said "No, I'm not walking you to your car." Ummmm good human being points don't even go your way. It took me over 30 minutes to find my car. I thank the good Lord above for Rissy, who stayed on the phone with me until I did find it.

Dr. McGillcuddy comes in from the wonderful app of tinder. He seemed like a nice guy. But within the first week of talking with him I answered the question "would you like to hang out sometime?" Sure! Absolutely! Will I ask myself out on a date? Heck, no! He made a "joke" at one point, on a day I was doing nothing, "oh it's too bad you're too busy to hang out today" Nope. Not okay. You haven't even asked me out on a date, don't try making a joke about not hanging out. Ugh. So when he finally did ask me out, for a few days later, HE DIDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME FOR THOSE FEW DAYS!!!!! I received a text at 8:45 p.m. the night of our supposed date, and he said "hey is it too late to hang out?" Yes. Yes it is too late. Reschedule? Yea sure, that's if you ever actually have the guts to talk to me again.

Last but not least, my man Jose. Now this was a guy that I was becoming good friends with. But after a few ridiculous jokes over a couple of months, that were truly not funny, I became annoyed. I found out from a mutual friend that Jose said "If Megan keeps acting like this, I'm going to go home early." Well.....if we are going to be so childish, then yes, please go home early. Save me the trouble.

When I went home, I was reminded that there are actually good men out there. Good friends, who even after months and years of separation can still care about you as a person. I think that's just another sign of needing to be home. But that's another post for another time ;)

Keep leaping,
M

Personal

Over the past month I have learned a lot about myself. Through the help of some friends who have reminded me of my best attributes, I have come to realize something, and truly BELIEVE it. That is the difference.

I am WORTHY.

I am VALUABLE.

I am VALID.

I know this all sounds conceited. But give me a minute to explain.

So much of the time we spend our days trying to find our validity in other things. How good am I compared to so-and-so? How am I better? How can I be better? Does my boyfriend/girlfriend love me?

We are always striving. Trying to be something. But why? WHY? Why do we have to be better? Why do we have to constantly compare ourselves to others.

This past month I have focused on being. There have been days when I have done a good job of this, and other days/weeks, that I have been very bad at it.

It is hard to continue a routine that is so out of context with society. But doing so, gives so much peace. Understanding that I am a good person who is worth something, just because I am alive. I have value, because I am alive. I am valid, because I am alive. I have focused on what is important to me. What in this moment encourages me, makes me happy, pleases me. The joy and peace that I find in these moments helps me to be a better teacher, a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, etc.

Each and every one of my friends is vastly different from the others. I love each and every person in my life for a different reason. The reason that they came into my life, the lessons that they have taught me, the ways in which they have touched my life. I find value in each and every one of these relationships.

I want you to read this post and know that you are in fact loved and valued. I wouldn't be sharing these thoughts if I didn't think that they were important. Remember how important you are.

Keep leaping,
M

Summer

If you had asked me before graduating what my plans were for my first summer vacation as a teacher, they would have been to drive. Just drive. No hesitation. I wanted to get in my car. Get on an interstate highway and just drive for hours on end. Sleep in the car, and just go.

A friend of mine did this a few years ago, driving all over the U.S. and Canada. She inspired me to just go. Having that many hours in the car makes you think. It makes you reflect. It makes you learn yourself. She inspired me to just go.

This has been a dream of mine for a few years, as it is now 9 months after graduation. I didn't think that it would be possible, because of finances mostly.

Going through a private, Christian college put a bit of debt on my shoulders. It is stressful, but it is what it is. It is being handled and that is what matters. I have made a budget and definitely live within my means.

In the back of my head I have continued thinking about my summer plans. What I could do to stretch myself. What could I do that would give me time to think? Time to move? Time to explore? Time to just be?

Taking the time to just be, to better understand my humanity. Who I am as a person. What I can do. What I can accomplish. What I can learn about myself.

This all may come across as selfish, and I can see that because I keep talking about me. But...I definitely justify myself in that, because when in my life am I going to have the opportunity to be selfish? I don't have a family to support. I don't have anyone depending on me. My living expenses are taken care of. My love for my family is not diminished or changed by the amount of time I am spending with them.

I have spent every summer since I turned 14 working. That is 8 summers. That is 8 summers of books left unread. That is 8 summers of trails un-hiked. That is 8 summers of time spent with family and friends. That is 8 summers spent making what? Money I no longer have. Yes, that money did help at the time, and did pay a bit of college. But what could I have gained in those summers. Especially the past few summers when I was attending college. Could I have traveled more? Could I have seen and met more people? Could I have learned more about myself? Could I have...? The list goes on and on.

Now is when I say that that list ends. I do not want to ask those questions anymore. I do not want to ask those questions for the rest of my life. I want to explore. Places and myself. I want to ask hard questions of myself.

I put this video in here, because in one of my favorite movies Safe Haven, this song comes on when the main character is riding a bus and it is taking her through the most beautiful green hills. The line says "if you could go anywhere, anywhere, what would you see?" The rest of the song is gorgeous. But I love this line, because of its truth. What would you see if you could go anywhere? I want to find that answer.

No matter what I do this summer, I know that I will find many things.

Keep leaping,
Megan

First Year Teacher Problems???

Have you ever felt like the shittiest teacher? Have you ever felt like your methods just aren't good enough? Have you ever felt like crying in front of your students because your momentum was destroyed? Have you ever felt like there will never be a day where you are prepared? Have you ever felt like a mean teacher because you think you only yell at your kids?

You haven't? Oh, well, umm...first year teacher problems? But I thought everyone felt shitty at some point. Maybe that's just me.

But all of that up there, yep, those were definitely thoughts that went through my head on a never ending reel throughout my entire afternoon.

Would my kids ever pay attention? Would my attention grabbers work? Would I have enough material? Do children actually like listening to stories? Do I honestly have to talk at a decibel equal to that of a bomb? What do children honestly need to TALK about?? Because they talk ALL the time.

Needless to say it was a frustrating afternoon. I was done.

I walked into school this morning feeling so refreshed by the weekend. I was ready to take on the new week, and ready to make sure that my students are learning. As it is the week before break, I didn't mention that next week is vacation to my students. I need them in some shape to learn. I had WONDERFUL centers planned, ones that would keep them engaged. I had even prepared them on Friday of last week, and made materials over the weekend.

I was going to be prepared, I was sure of it.

The morning went pretty well. My school is also doing a computer assessment right now, which generally throws the students off, but not today! They went through all of the morning routine without giving me any trouble. I only needed to press my attention bell 4 times before they were quiet. They were doing a phenomenal job!

AND THEN, I had to step out of the room for a meeting. BUT the mom was a no-show, no-call.

Now let me explain something. I only like meetings because it gives me the chance to be in a quieter space. But all of the work that has to go in, as well as the stress of not knowing exactly what is going on in your room at every second, usually isn't worth it. I like knowing things. My aide is wonderful, and handles situations with such care and ease, but I'm too nosy of a person to not want to know every little thing that happens.

So having this meeting, especially in the middle of the day was an inconvenience to me. On top of all of that it was an emergency meeting. For a mother to not even show up or call just seemed downright rude.

Upstairs I trotted. Returning to my room I was able to teach things that I didn't think I would be able to work on with them, as well as finish up assessments, and start others. Productivity to the max!

Half an hour later, the mother shows up, with her child, expecting to have the meeting. Ummm....Hold the phones. Yes, you did read that correctly. She expected to have the meeting a half an hour late, with no notice. Let me answer that. NO. Just. No.

Already being annoyed with having the meeting cancelled, and then having to explain to a mother that it needs to be rescheduled, was just frustrating. I felt defeated. I want to be able to sit down with this mother and understand her child better. Teachers are on your team parents!! At least this one, PLEASE WORK WITH ME!!!

And that was the moment in my day that turned it from FANTASTIC, to not so fantastic. I felt like I was constantly having to redirect students, and with being put in a not-so-happy mood, I felt like an awful teacher. I felt mean. I felt ill prepared. I felt like I wasn't at my best.

I drudged through my afternoon, and when it came time for exploring labs, a.k.a. play time, I was reminded of why I do go in every day with a better attitude.

A student walked up to me, without saying a word, held out her arms, and expressed that she wanted a hug. I hugged her, and when she let go she said, "Miss Grant, you're the best teacher." Well my darling, even in the darkest circumstances, you are the reason I keep going for the light.

Keep leaping,

M

Life.

Over the past few weeks I have read numerous blog posts about how blogging has changed and these famous bloggers aren't sure they want it to be a business opportunity as much of just a documentation of life on a wider screen. These are bloggers that I loved to read, and gave me such insight in many times, to life after college, both the good and the bad. I looked to these bloggers as role models. They are good, strong, and often Godly women. They used blogging as a way of making money for their families, providing a full time income. Now they have changed their stance, every single one of them, to being a documentation of life. No obligations to readers, just life as they know it.

It was hard for me to read such things, because I looked up to these women in a sense, having a picture into their lives, and now hearing that they wouldn't be providing such a viewpoint. Then I thought about this little blog, and the purpose in which I created it. To provide a picture of my life to those who are far away, who care about me, and still want to be connected to me. Who think about and pray for me, and care about me in any way that they can. So it is with that that I wish to begin this little nook of the internet again.

It has been a few months, and so much time and life has happened between the last post and now.

Of course all of the holidays spent with family was fabulous. But even more than all of that, life has had a full journey in the past month.

Most of you don't know, because I haven't been able to talk about it. But Kevin and I broke up at the beginning of January.

I won't lie. It was hard. I mean HARD.

The wind was completely knocked out of me. I didn't quite know how to handle the situation.

That time still seems like a confusing period. No words truly explain, because it is still a foggy memory. I chose to hide and find refuge in my roommates, closest friends and family. Keeping the world at bay proved to be one of the best decisions I made.

I chose to focus on my friends and family. I chose to focus on my children. I chose to focus on bettering my job. Most importantly, I chose to focus on God.

That was a huge bettering step for me. I spent time doing my daily devotions. I spent the next Sunday morning at church, continually asking "why?" Not the easiest question to ask, let alone answer.

I didn't find my answer. But that was never the point. God needed to show me the choices that I made were for a reason. Decisions that were made, were for a reason. I have learned and gained a great deal from such things. I have taken every opportunity to remind myself of a lesson that is being learned. I find this to be so important in understanding life as it goes on, both the good and the bad. It means that I don't ever have to regret my decisions. I accept them and I am able to move on.

Over the past few weeks I have been able to attend a Saturday night service with a dear friend. Allowing us the opportunity to come together in a time of worship, as well as time after the service to have good conversation. She has been such an inspiration in this time. Allowing me the opportunity to explore my thoughts and beliefs in every aspect of life. Giving me advice to challenge me, as well as the space to find myself. I have been so blessed in the past few weeks.

I am definitely taking this time to understand myself. To find myself. To understand who I am as a daughter of God. To understand who I am as a daughter, sister, roommate, friend, teacher, co-worker, adult, etc. I am having to understand and create my identity, which is so vastly different from the woman that I have known. I am no longer a college student, protected by the walls of academia that I became so comfortable in. This is such a new and exciting time, and I plan on taking advantage of that. Making it into a time of fullness. Relying on God to provide as He always has, and continues to do, to fuel my hopes and dreams, and those plans that He has in store.

I have clearly been reminded of why I named this blog, everyday leaps of faith, because every day is truly a new and different adventure, that is plentiful with challenges and blessings as long as we choose to look for them.

So as fellow bloggers have so publicly declared, and I have decided I want to continue, using this as a place where I can come and put adventures. Not because of obligations, but because this is a place in which I would like to share parts of my life with you.

Saturday Sentiments

Lately, I have been missing my mom. Now we all know how often I miss people, so this is a HUGE deal. So many things have been happening lately that have reminded me of how important family is, and how much they impact your daily lives.

As a graduation gift, I had asked my mom months prior to find me a Claddagh ring. They are beautiful, and have so much history and tradition behind them, that I thought it pertinent to have my mom find one for me. When graduation came, she surprised me by giving me my Grandmas, her mothers, ring. It was the best graduation present I could have received, meaning so much to me to receive it, and so much to my mom for passing it down.

Over the summer I found out that the jeweler that I typically go to for all of my jewelry needs was retiring. I needed the ring re-sized due to my abnormally small ring size. Having the work done on site was very important to me, as many companies send out their jewelry, and it becomes a very impersonal business. After months and months of waiting, I found a jeweler in Lawrence who does the work on site. I left it on Thursday, and picked it up on Friday.

Wearing the ring has made me think so much about things that my mom has taught me because her mother taught her. I spent my Friday night crocheting up a storm. This, Saturday morning I have spent both crocheting and sewing pillowcases with my new sewing machine. So many things have made this such a special Saturday, remembering the great women who have passed along their traditions, therefore making me the woman that I am today.

Look at that ring!!! (I may or may not be wearing it correctly, I can't remember.)
*It has now been correctly moved to the proper hand and placement. 

The whole reason I bought my sewing machine (a few weeks ago), was because I found a ginormous hole in the side of the quilt my mom made for me.

Let's take a look at that thing. I measured it out to be 16 INCHES LONG!!!!!! YES 16!!!!! The wonderful words of my other grandmother coming to mind "I am not fixing anymore holes in your blankie." Although the memory is of her referring to the blanket I had before this one, it still made me miss her. I am now a grown up who needs to sew the holes in her blanket herself....

....and so I did just that. :)

I sewed the entire perimeter as there was wear on all sides. I wound the bobbin to completion, and ran out of thread just before completing the entire perimeter.

I mean look how close I was....

With all of this crafting my Saturday was looking downright fabulous! And then.....I got a call from a strange number....announcing his presence outside my door. It was a flower delivery man, giving me flowers ordered by my wonderful boyfriend, just because.

If you can't read that note, it says: "I hope this makes you smiles as much as you make me smile." Yep, I think he is a keeper. He certainly does know how to make me smile. :) 

I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday!

M